(A Quarterly International Peer-reviewed Refereed e-Journal
Devoted to English Language and Literature)
Anil Shrivastava 'Musafir'
Indian aunties are female Anthropos between the ages of 45 and 65. The average body measurement of an aunty (often called Aunty Ji for respect) is 45-45-45. Aunties don’t believe in surgeries. They usually go for herbal treatments instead recommended by their gurus. As a result, they have bad knees, and they always limp.
Aunties are imported from India as unregistered workers by their sons to take care of newly born and toddlers while both husband and wife go to work. The couples come here on H1B visas as IT workers. Their aim in life is to mint money, produce an anchor baby then leave.
Aunties are strong believers in Indian culture and moral values; however, they can’t explain what those moral values are. As I gathered it’s mostly related to sex and marriage. Anyone marrying outside of their race is usually immoral. The irony is that most aunties have fear in their own hearts and sex on their minds. They watch Indian soap operas and Bollywood junk all day and fantasize about the Bollywood hunks to satiate their carnal desires.
Another hobby of aunties consists of advising young men and women to have Indian values which means finding an Indian match for marrying. The problem is that the Indian girls don’t give a hoot about such mama’s boys. When two aunties meet, they rejoice to gossip about the divorces of friends’ children, their salaries, and their love life.
Here is a real-life conversation between an Indian aunty and my son years ago:
Aunty: “Beta (son) how come you are 23 years old and are still unmarried?
“I don’t know aunty.”
Aunty: What are you doing these days?
“Aunty, I am an artist.”
Aunty: Art is fine, it's a hobby na, what else do you do?
“Art is my profession Aunty; I am a pencil portrait artist.”
Aunty: Why don't you find any other job like a normal Indian boy?
“Why should I find any other job? I am following my passion. I am happy with what I am doing.”
Aunty: Who will buy your pencil art? You will only earn 100–200/- rupees per sketch. How much do you earn?
“It’s not like that Aunty, there are so many people out there who respect art and they know the value of art. I am working for different art galleries and also get drawing orders from Facebook, Instagram, and Quora too. I manage to earn 15–20k on average. It's not a big amount but I am happy that I chose my passion as my profession. I enjoy each and every day of my job!”
Aunty: Alright, show me some of your artwork. Let me see what you do.
“To be honest, Aunty was very surprised to know that these were pencil sketches. I could see her expressions and the way she was looking at sketches in disdain. She did not say anything except “It’s good.”
Aunty: My son works for Infosys. He has an IT job. Ok, tell me how many girls do you roam around with?
“None of your business, aunty.”
Aunty: Let me give you some advice beta, get married before you turn 25 and become a real professional like an engineer, doctor, or IT person. Stop ruining your life like this.
In the eye of an aunty, girls should just get married to an Indian boy. As for the boys, success is only defined as becoming a doctor, engineer, or IT professional and getting married to an Indian girl. The rest bring shame to their families. “Chhi! Chhi!! (Shame shame).
About the Author:
Born on Dec 03, 1946, Anil Shrivastava (pen name Musafir) is a retired engineer with great accomplishments but writing is his first love. He is a founder member, partner and managing editor of TheThinkClub. He is a great proponent of independent thinking among fellow human beings, which also means being non-partisan and unbiased. He resides in Rochester, Michigan, USA and can also be contacted through email- firstname.lastname@example.org